TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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