She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I touched a dick in church today
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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