You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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