I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need water and some morals
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
