mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
