i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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