Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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