OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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