I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
