At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
