my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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