I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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