god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
