Yo dont text me then not text me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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