on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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