I heard we made out
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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