theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
