I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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