I'm going to jail i love you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
