my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
