I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
