Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
