ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
