Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
