i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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