You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
