is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
