I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
