I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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