I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
