I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
