I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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