I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
