im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
