I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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