I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
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