Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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