I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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