Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
