I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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