guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
