He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
