The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
