i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
