I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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