if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
