He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
