just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she pinky promised me she was 18
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
