Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
