I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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